Hemingway, Beethoven, and You

~ Statue of Beethoven outside Vienna in the garden where he wrote the 9th Symphony ~

"Back at the hotel that night when we were dressing for dinner, Ernest said, 'I'm working out a new novel. Or it's working itself out, really, ...' His eyes were bright, and the enthusiasm in his voice was unmistakable. ... 'You have to write it.' 'Yes', he said, and although we left and had a long and delicious dinner with several bottles of wine between us, he was already with the book, inside of it. Over the coming days, his thinking grew deeper. He began to write in intense spurts, in the cafes early in the mornings, and in the hotel very late at night, when I could hear the aggressive scratching of his pencil ... he'd filled two thick notebooks, two hundred hand written pages in fewer than ten days, but he wasn't happy with the opening anymore."

~ From The Paris Wife: A Novel, by Paula McLain

I have often wondered what it was like for Beethoven to write the most exquisite music, deafness to the outer world shutting him off from much of human interaction and yet opening doors to a kind of silence that perhaps allowed him to hear the celestial soul that still illumines today, reminding us of our magnificence and allowing us to forget the countless attachments that keep our focus on the very noise that creates what we are trying to dissolve.

The creative process unfolds us and as we work, listening to its wisdom, the work molds and then allows us to become the vessel for its expression. "I'm working out a new novel. Or it's working itself out, really ..."

Perhaps we are much more related to the genius of Hemingway and Beethoven and Mozart and Tintoretto, Freud and Einstein, Gertrude Stein and Twyla Tharp and whomever your creative hero/ine is, than we think. Perhaps it's simply the willingness to withstand the pressure of the molding process that elevates us to the realm of creative genius, and it's just that we hold too narrow a vista which keeps us locked in our safe familiarity, finally unexpressed and unfulfilled.

Cultivating a capacity for gracefulness in the face of anxst: a pragmatic strategy. What could deafness allow for? And to what could we turn a deaf ear? Einstein flunked math. Tintoretto never had formal training yet became the one true Venetian painter.

The integrity of a clear vision has strong roots.
What strength can fear have when Grace shows up?

"Access to Magnificence"

"A satisfied woman is a gift to her family, her friends, her co-workers and, frankly, to the world. A satisfied woman emits an energy field of love, play, power and well-being. Around her, other people have access to their own magnificence, their own genius, their own joy. Being committed to being satisfied is an act of courage and generosity."

~ Alison Armstrong

I have been waking up with feelings of overwhelm for some time. It seems to be a particularly familiar default setting when I feel overbooked. I really wanted to get to the bottom of this anxious feeling so I could let it go, because, honestly, I have a beautiful life of abundance in all areas.

So why did I feel like I didn't have what I wanted?

I was in a conversation this last weekend, and got some insight into the answer. So simple. I realized that I make these promises to myself, and then I don't keep them. Not exactly front page news, but, what occurred as an epiphany was the impact on me that not keeping my promises with myself had. What I saw was that when I make a promise: "I will begin the final edit on my book this Friday", and then I don't do it, very insidiously in the background a refrain of invalidating statements plays like a tape loop, and even though I may not be consciously aware of the noise of the tape, I am listening nonetheless, and the feeling is much more obvious to me: anxiety, frustration, dissatisfaction.

Of course I have often attributed this dissatisfaction to other issues in my life: family demands that could not be avoided, too tired, loneliness, etc. But what I saw was that there were no reasons for my dissatisfaction save the broken promises to keep my word with myself, which were always promises made in areas in which I really wanted to accomplish or participate. So simple ... Put it in my schedule and then actually do it! A great feeling of freedom and joy expands within even as I think of it.

So when I read Alison's quote this morning, I thought, the impact isn't simply on me, the impact is in and on my entire world. And I am committed to the ideal that all people are free from the past and generating lives of authentic self-expression and joy! Who knew the fulfillment of that seeming impossibility would be continually generated out of me eating well, sleeping enough, exercising and, oh yes - editing that book!

I am committed to being satisfied. How about you?
Onward!

A Visual Feast

Don Orione Artigianelli ... a restored ancient monastery resonating in the heart of Venice.



Just returning from a three week stay in Europe, begun by a ten day artist's retreat in this most inspiring of settings for the arts, Venice, and staying those ten days at the above cultural centre, has left a myriad of impressions that will take the weeks ahead to assimilate fully.

Beauty everywhere, endless reminders of It's timelessness ... as my fellow creative colleague Hunter joyfully blurted after days of visiting masterpiece after masterpiece, and as we walked an early morning walk hoping to get lost and found again before breakfast, "... they painted whatever they wanted! ... there was no wondering about would someone like it ..."

It freed us to remember that the great leaders, the breakthrough contributors in any field never turn around to see if anyone is following ...

So good to travel. Important. Sorting through what others in other cultures hold dear, reflecting on what one finds dear one's self, what is truly authentic self-expression.

Leaving the familiar to travel ... it's a powerful way to find home.